Well, today was okayish until I saw her! Like seriously, it was going well. I had an unexpected meeting with Kashif who by the way, is enjoying the yellow journalism, the usual. I don’t want to pin any hopes, but this guy could possibly be an MDF before I leave NUST.
Anyways, I saw her. I am writing this in the sole hopes of getting over it. She was probably returning from exercise, all sweaty, which btw, I am assuming. All I saw was a tank top and a long man whom I assume with certainty is rich as fuck. The bitch …. she didn’t give me closure. I am hurt, seedhi si bat he. This is unfair to her, but I don’t give a shit, after she broke my fucking heart. The world can fucking tolerate a bit of me being unfair!
I wish she knew the desperation I feel whenever I see her, I want her to feel that sense of utmost stagnancy, worthlessness, lost hopes and crushing wait all in the second when I see her. I want her to feel that but I know she won’t. Allah ka insaf he, girls usually get anything they want, if they do right with right.
I will survive tbh. Today, I did not tell Huda (fake name obv) because I did not want to make her feel hurt. Even though she has agreed to me mentioning her in our talks, I know she gets hurt. She doesn’t conceal that too so … its evident and all it does is increase my weight. I will marry Huda. Even if I am know presented an opportunity to marry her, I can get skoon by saying No. I wish I could ever get that but I know it is not possible. Unfair wishes usually don’t survive much, besides being the cold sigh of a weak (or dignified, you choose) guy.
Other than that, things are good. Job ka time theek tha although I am expecting some actual work tomorrow. Baqi b everything was okayish. Had a harsh talk with mom about Huda’s post-Masters plans but I guess, I will be able to convince mom.