Hy! I guess adding the time of when I write the diary is a bit too much information so I am going to stop that from now. This could be temporary too, as is every good thing in my fucking life.
You can perhaps guess Tess, from the mood, that I am agitated a bit. This is because I still miss her all the time and I am not exaggerating it. I wish I was. The first thought of the day when consciousness returns from sleep, is Awais, you don’t have her. And the last thought before I slip into sleep is … same. You can perhaps understand how frustrating this is.
I joined a Discord server yesterday and their people just work together. I begin to work too. Today is the 2nd day. Idk how long will this last but … it feels less lonely (teeny tiny bit less lonely) when I am working “with people”. Its like a virtual library, you don’t know who the person sitting next to you is, but there’s a person sitting next to you. In this case, they aren’t even sitting next but … whatever, I am trying ok. I am fucking trying.
Maghrib ka time he, gotta do iftar. Bye for now.
Hy … I am so so sad right now. This time too shall pass … and people and the world tells me I will be stronger and much better when I emerge from this metamorphosis but its hurting right now. Not when I emerge, which is quite frankly an indeterminate term, so can’t be relied upon. When? Idk. I am so so sad rn. I wish this never had happened but wishes, eh!
Bye.
Well, it got better. I’ve realized one thing: while in my room, I get sad, but I can fix that sadness by reading books or working with a group of people on Discord. These are the two things I’ve figured out. I also play a game, but for some reason, I don’t enjoy games as much now.
And yeah, I’ve deleted Instagram and Threads, so I basically just have Reddit and 9GAG on my phone now. I don’t know if I should keep them or delete them, but they’re there for now.
That’s it for today. Bye, Tess.
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