303am
Next Sunday is my birthday. You can give a hundred and one justifications of not celebrating birthdays but that’s one day where one can be happy without any serious reason. Next Sunday is my birthday and I bet you right now Tess, no one will remember it.
I low-key hate it now. Because it makes me face that I don’t have any tangible friends or a social circle on Earth. What was I before I was born? This lonely even then? Was I friends with any Rooh in Alam-e-Arvah? Will I be friends with any particles of soil after my body becomes soil? I don’t know. But on Earth, in Islamabad or Risalpur or Hafizabad or Rawalpindi or Kohat or Gujranwala or Murree … in all these places, I could not make friends. And since the last 10 years, I have been “able” to make friends. You can make friends at 14, right?
And one other thing which I do with birthdays lol … I always tell my birthday one year more than what it is. Technically I am 23 years and 11months right now. The norm is for me to say, I am 23. But I always say I am 24. After 14 July this year, I am planning to start saying I am 26. I do this because people are afraid of becoming old. They use Botox and stuff to look young forever. They invent phrases like “I feel 40” when they are actually 50/60 lol. I want to embrace it. Yes, I will be old and miserable but I will escape this hellhole first.
That’s it. Let’s plan tomorrow (which is technically today but for me it is tomorrow only after I wake up).
342am
Planning for the next day done. Now going to eat my privileged class Cheezious order.
1017am
Woke up around 923am. Then used phone, ate the leftovers of last night’s cheezious and drank water, all placed within reach to the bed. Then here, now. I have to go to psychiatrist at 1120am but till then, I am going to do some work. Happy weekend to me 🍾
226pm
The psychiatrist session did not go as planned. She insisted that people I was mentioning are privileged (rich, not the ones who have multiple flats but the ones who own the plazas and housing colonies and half of the land of Pakistan) are in-fact deserving of that privilege. I was like no, you are not true. That and some other stuff led me to send the following message as soon as I reached a nearby cafe where I can use laptop.
Do not get me wrong btw. The doctor was like super-helpful. I guess it is normal that sometimes what you believe as a patient conflicts with what your doctor believes. This is one of those situations.
So, in the cafe, now I am trying to find a toggletraq integration with Todoist.
401pm
Going to play GTA V.
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