Aek zehr he yar, jo apne andr bhr rha hun. Cigs are bad, I know. But so is the silence without it. Listening to sad songs on loop and losing interest in whatever little happy moments I had. Still haven’t opened that game, just finished Raja Gidh.
Honestly the only reason I am living is to earn, to be able to contribute as much as I can, to the education of the little ones. Bs, that’s it. I used to like Games. And work. And books. And so much more, or maybe not. Basketball, Skating, Badminton.
Phir … things lost their charm, you never know who or what will be the cause of you getting old. You see all these people around, working, begging, ruling, praying, but you don’t really know if they are doing what they are doing, with belief? Let me tell you a secret Tess, all the humans here did 1 one with belief. One thing, it could be taking care of their children, or working to develop that program, or ranking the highest in that one game, or love. And someone else did it better. It always happens. And once we realize the position we are in is far from first, in the thing we belief, that’s when we quit. We give up. I hated smoking and now its part of me waking up and going to sleep, and everything in between. Who’s the cursed one, me or the cause, or the people who are impacted, or all of us? Kisko kiski bddua lgi, if there is even such a thing. Once the thing we believe in shatters infront of us, that is the moment we decide to replay and relive. Over and over and over again, until life becomes a thing we have to live with crutches to hold. Some smoke. Others get angry quick, and change their personality. Some morph into revengfulness. Shapes of a past they can’t ever get back. Lost amongst hordes of people who are lost before them.
And one day, either themselves or by the forces of nature, we quit. Either that, or I am just a tad too down this fine evening. Its 337pm. Bye for now.
Its 626pm. Ciggaratte is not all that bad y’know.
Or maybe I am like the sail of an ancient pirate’s boat, flunked in the direction the wind blows.
Yar hua ye he k uncle got in touch, saying beta 6500RS Electric bill he, ap dedo. Me ne kaha theek he, koi msla ni he. Lekin when I checked via the IESCO online setup, Bill 1534RS he 🙂
Ab I am not bringing it up with anybody, with dad, with uncle himself, no one. Bhad me jaen, because as I said like a fucking month ago when this whole shitshow started, its better to shut some people up by stuffing their mouths with money. Simple. Sfedposh izzat chorta ni he, pesa cherta ni he. Jata he to jae, Allah or dega.
But I am also working. So this … tension, or you’d rather call it frustration because I have already made a decision (tension decision lene se pehle hoti he, options explore krte vqt. Frustration decision lene k bad hoti he, consequences k vqt) … it is relieved a bit by smoking. Simple sa phnda he.
Hello! Its 137am.
It was good, work was good. Actually ended up sending … 30ish mails and that’s just a part of the work. Have to buy Google AI Pro so created trade ticket for it. Ran the usual 4/5 processes and from tomorrow, I get to communicate what I do to the marketing person, so they can market more relevantly. And if I was a critic, I would say you are slaving away instead of making your own business but then … sure, would I not be having people slave away in my business? Would that side of the fence be better than this? Is the grass really green? Or am I just asking these questions because angoor khte hen!
In all honesty, no. I think besides the fact that I am not my own boss, this is as good as corpo life gets. No overworking? Check. Good pay? Check. No commute? Check. Saturdays off? Check. Empath boss? Check. What else do you need while slaving away eh! If I would run a business, this is how I would do it. Maybe take less risks but then, that’s why I am not running one, eh!
Bs ab Cyberpunk, then I will start Alakh Nagri. Btw I did find a relatively cheaper website to get books from. Ordered the hitchhiker’s guide to galaxy, and Murder of History. Costed around 5.5K. And electric bill for June is here, guess what, its 11111RS :). Mehngai ko choro, digit check kro yar ap!
My accounts (all of them) have 5.6K in them now. 1k for cigs. So the rest is for Books. Bijli ka bill baba denge. Bye!
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