Today is the start of October. Autumn is setting in … I remember back in the autumn of 2020, I wrote a poem on some month. I can’t remember which specifically. It was autumn anyways.
Now it’s autumn again and life is playing out strange cards. Snatching what was loved to create an emotion of exhaustive emptiness. It’s like when you don’t feel the point of doing anything. Anything at all. Like I love to read but now I can’t. Or Netflix. Regular chores, calls back home. My mom got successfully operated on her eye in the morning today and I haven’t called her yet. Am I ungrateful? Should I be punished? Maybe yeah. Maybe no. No because I know I did wrong not to call, and that I regret it too. At this point you can make your judgement!
Life is colourless suddenly. All the things around me which were … red-rose coloured till recently, are suddenly back to their own colours, which are habby and dirty btw. Everything’s messed up. I don’t like it. But there’s still idk something holding me intact. I’m not crying. I mean yeah I did cry today for like 5 minutes only and that’s it. I’m not crying now. This sadness is idk, soothing!? It can’t be soothing… Did you ever feel something like it? Like you are sad, and you have a genuine reason to be feeling down too … but still somehow you know it’s gonna be alright. I mean I know there’s lot of times I’ll cry in the next few months too. But that’s it. I’ll not think of committing suicide or any such thing. Life will move on. Colourless hi shi yar! Ab me 21st century me black and white k mze lunga!
How are you guys? You might have noticed my sudden appearances and disappearances. If you give a fuck about me at all, you might actually have given a minute of thought to what the fuck was happening. Well, let me tell you one thing: I’m back here with regular posts and occasional stories. Whatever happened, has happened. There’s no warmth coming from even the ashes now so we’ll try to move on with the start of this lovely Autumn (which btw I pronounce “Auttumnnn” … and you can have zero interest in that fact but it’s my diary!).
I hope you had a lovely day and I wish you a very good night ladies and gentlemen! Bbye
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