Well, something major is going to happen. Idk what it is.
And I moved my system from table to ground in the interest of not needing a heater. I can work while keeping a bedsheet on me or two, to save heat and still not add gas/electric expense. I am not sure how this will pan out as the ground sitting for hours on end, bent for the monitor, is very tiring.
But … idk … that’s the most hard thing about life Tess, gotta live it. Bye.
Job Stuff
Today I woke up right infront of the computer. It was new, I kind of liked it when suddenly I got a message from boss that I had messed up a spreadsheet. That was not good. But I had to reply so I did, and got that fixed. Then meanwhile I did some HR stuff and reviewed and scheduled another monthly spreadsheet to be sent to a client’s client via Gmail. Recently I discovered how one can snooze mails so I have been snoozing them now lol.
I snoozed one last night for a mail that looked like it was meant for someone else, I was busy so did not give it a read much (Terms and Conditions style Disclaimer) and snoozed it for today but boss had a look at that too. It was urgent so he actioned it. And I was reprimanded which really pissed me off because literally, about 2 mins before that, right after snoozing the mail, I had shut off the computer, now lying right beside my ground bed. Anyways so I restarted it, read his reply, regretted my snooze, fought with my conflicting thoughts about resting and recharging for the next day of work but then in all of these emotions, I had also understood how super serious it was to reply so thanked god boss man had an eye on it, and then asked to logoff.
You know what (here I went to msg boss and another coworker something they needed) is the problem? (again). The problem is I took this job too seriously. And then the bossman took me more seriously. Then I realized fuck, I am in. Way way below the flooded bridge. So way below that the bridge is like a dot to me now. Had I practiced boundaries, say nothing more than 1 hour of extra work a day, from the start, I don’t think it would be this chaotic now. But on the other hand I think well, he paid me. And paid me very well and continues to do so. No matter how much I lament about it not being enough to buy a car in a month or a house in an year, it is enough to ensure that I can atleast “hope” to get both of these things, or atleast a car, in the next 4/5 years. I am a greedy money loving guy. People mistake that for me being responsible for my family and grown up, mature, no. Not at all lol. I (trying to adjust the height of the mouse and keyboard to stop the pain in wrist by weird ground posture) can’t see a man or a woman dying of hunger, people don’t do that. We humans are preprogrammed to care. I am doing that very basic human thing to make sure the kidlets are happy and mom and dad are well fed. That’s all. God my wrist hurts.
So yeah, that’s how it goes. I am a mule. You want a heroic word? A sherpa, climbing the Everest with a team. There, euphemism, does that make it any better?
And in an ideal world .. right now I would be studying. Or working but with atleast another guy to my side so help. I would be able to afford gas bill. I wish I was in army, in all honestly. Go full ruthless style, live off of backs of people like me now, and still have the moral ego to consider myself a shaheed or ghazi, or to be any better than the bloody civilians like me now.
that’s it. Who said writing stuff makes the mind clear? It made mine fucking foggy now. Bye.
Or I am just a self-centered angry ungrateful with a good job. Time will tell.
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