555am
Just another Thursday.
1219pm
Woke up around 1130pm but got up from bed now. Got up like, got straight up, sat and started the PC. First thing I see is Workfolio. It says “you have worked 8 hrs xx mins today, Great Job”. I just woke up lol.
Anyways, work was crazy last night. The peaceful wednesday, the most peaceful one, was the one last week. I had actually thought maybe this peace would be the new trend now, on Wednesdays but … I was wrong. Maybe in the future?
What fries my mind is well, the harsh starting conditions that a startup has to face, budgetwise. I don’t think we have taken any money or grant from any government body and all they keep talking about it SMEs SMBs lol. What a bunch of non-sense fluffers.
And it seeps slowly but steadily into the company “culture” now. Those who work hard, I have to tell them to work more. I right now have a team where I have to give more responsibilities to one guy because the other guy can’t handle those, even though they are paid like 2:3 difference. And I would be more than happy to somehow increase the other person’s pay too, if they actually matched the quality of work of the other guy, but the quality and turnaround of work is like 1:3 or worse, at this point. So … your good guys are stressed out, because you have to keep giving them work to make sure the company is, on average, doing good. If the work was equally distributed, the combination of people, aka the company, would suffer in quality and turnaround time.
So yeah, I wonder if that can actually become a factor big enough to stop a company’s progress onwards and upwards. Because at the end of the day, you are still a small business. Small deviations can become a make or break situation but I can’t get a 3rd person too, there’s no budget, nor any assistive program from the government. That all went to make Khalistan I guess!
Anyways, I have a meeting with another guy this Saturday, he is making an AI productivity app. I gave him the “Dealbreakers” document the day before yesterday and he is interested in jumping over a call to talk more about UI/UX and user-journeys through task/todo/note/2ndbrain apps. Where productivity meets obsession. I will upload that “Dealbreakers” document down below just so you know what I am talking about Tess. He wants some reviews on his app, I guess its called geddit. Or Gettit? I guess it is Geddit. Geddit dot something.
Anyways, yeah, that’s that. Start of another Thursday. I may close the Savings account tbh. This is due to my lack of research but like, keeping 30K in it for a month will give me 300/month. 280/month is the price of SMS fees lol. Now you tell me! Even if I maintain it for an year, I get like 240Rs in an year lol, and that is BEFORE the 30% tax. So … what the fuck! I opened it under the pretense that the rate was 16%. It is actually 1.3% and that fucker told me about it, AFTER he had processed my documents and had my signature. One could say, hy you could have asked first, and one could reply, hy I downloaded their official document from website that said the rate is 16% per month of what you keep in the Savings account on average. This outdated document was on HBL’s website btw, in case any one else is trying to save using savings account. Sounds good, doesn’t work!
Its 1236pm. What should I do now? I have been waking up early this whole week. Ideally I should get up at 3pmish. I will have 2 hours before job to do anything in home, or get the groceries or yknow, anything from outside. Then work and I will be fresh like a daisy (idk where that analogy came from but lets roll with it) till 3am. Instead for the past 4 days, I have been getting up at 11/12, starting work in that same or next hour, taking 30/60 mins breaks in between but what this does at critical times, like at 11/12pm, when the guys are fully active and working, yours truly is sucking on a candy or drinking cold water to stay alert. Yester I had to work till 4am and then I was so overpowered by sleep, that I could not plan my today. That habit, of planning ahead, is the one thing I have been meaning to keep consistent on for years now. Whenever I lose that streak, man it does not feel good 🙂
And … how to tell parents politely to shhh? I think my mom speaks a lot man. And I understand why too, like she would give a full context of the problem instead of just the problem, and then repeat it periodically until its solved and then praise/remark on how the solution went. I think I may be feeling it too much too? My dad is the silent, workaholic type. He is 52 ig, still travels on a rickshaw daily 80kms to go to the shop, and work, and then get back home in this winter and in staunching summers. He speaks way less than mom, but way more harsh. You can … break mom’s heart and she’ll still cook food and not “permanentize” any incident. But dad? Its difficult to break his heart but when you do, there’s no coming back. Like the first time I spoke loud to him, on the phone. Or the first time he asked me for money and I refused because it was my first ever 6 figures in the bank, and I wanted to save it for rainy days. Though on mom’s saying later, I sent him 1.5x the amount he wanted but I know now, he is not using that. I can ask that money back from him anyday, anytime. Dad gets disappointed, on major stuff, and that’s that, you can’t win him back, as he ig understands how pride, responsibilities, power and decisions go from father to son. I can’t imagine being at his place, thinking the end is near but the kiddo (yours truly) has not matured yet. 🙂
Well … that’s enough for today I guess? I really wish mom would say less stuff yknow. Idk man, its just a Subcontinent thing I guess because in any other place, you would simply say so. I can’t, its considered Nafrmani, and before I am burned in hell for Nafrmani, I will be emotionally blackmailed by my thoughts in this world. So … ugghhh, just roll with it. When god gives me enough money, I will move to someplace far away from all this. One room, one bath, one kitchen, and one PC. I can live the rest of my life. Or I think so until 10 years down the line I read this line and … !
243pm
I have been thinking about what I wrote above and … its not all the full picture.
Forexample, who would allow one to work anywhere they want? I am in library now. Sunbathed for like 20/30mins just now. Listening to NFAK. I guess at times, in the darkest, coldest corridors, life gives the warmest streak of light only shining on your face. So its not that bad y’know.
My teeth. I had accepted since the last 2 years that yeah, I will never have enough money to get them fixed up. Now on 20th, not to count the chicks before they hatch but hopefully, on 20th December, a major part of my teeth will be fixed. Admittedly it broke the bank with me going below 6 figures now, which I had not been since an year ig, but I fixed the teeth. I can smile. How … big is that!
And then the PC. The games I am bored of now, RDR2 or GTAV or Witcher 3, I used to crave for these in university and even after university, in CMC, then in PRG, I never thought I will be able to actually afford a PC that can play all these. And here, on 12th December 2024, here I am. 18 months after graduation, my teeth are fixed and the PC is good. And I can work anywhere I want. So … its not all bad Tess. I wish we could succeed because once we do, the future is good. I will be able to educate both kidlets, I will be able to afford a car. And maybe even a house. The current place has placed my expectations way higher than what they used to be in PRG or CMC or university or PRIME or elsewhere. So … let’s do it!
437pm
Did some work. Then took a break and went to C1 to get something to eat. Instead got a coke and came back, thinking I will just eat home when I go home in 4ish hours.
You know what is a less explored tragedy in books and movies? Watching ma and pa get old. Its excrutiating to see the once strong people who taught you how to walk, to run, to be strong, get weak. The speed at which they spin the spoon in the teacup decreases, as fingers and hand began to move unintentionally. The amount of tea they consume increases because of boredom, the face all contorted, their ways all old now. You don’t … feel pity. Nor sympathy. Its more like … your own defeat. And self reflection, as you stare your future, an inevitable clutch of time-bound weakness. I’d like to get a cure for that.
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