Hey Tess
Every time for the past few days that I start writing, the stories in my head are far longer, the incidents of the day are detailed and the plans to write those are elaborate … until here, of this moment, now.
I don’t find the strength left to pen down more of what I feel as its the same, day over day, weekend over weekend. This happened, that started, they ended and I reacted. Someone put it in urdu like: kya lutf anjumn ka, jb dil hi uth gya ho!
So yeah, that’s most likley that. I posted a post on reddit. I started downloading stuff off of instagram which you already know why. I am just breathing. Talking to ChatGPT and … I understand this is not how I should be. Acting, atleast, I should be content, pose a face that is not so gloomy but what am I if not original eh. Enough of the pretense, of acting like all is fine (which in reality is all fine, I am just uncontrollably hyperfocused on a particular department of life, thereby blurring out the goodies and focusing on the vacuum). Maybe that’s what the “20s” is all about. Euphoric Traumas. Painful Pleasures. Happy hours followed by years spent yearning for those moments. Perhaps that’s what it means to be a pre-adult. Maybe this vacuum is found in everyone, maybe its common and maybe time will help zoom out of this hyperfocus.
Today was bad.
Bye.
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