1047am
I am jealous. In the morning, I opened a social media platform and saw someone’s post earning more than me and I just became jealous but thought nothing of it. Until it stayed in my brain which is bad.
But hy, fuck it. Everyone has their best time of their lives and I wish her (or him) the best in their’s😇
I am becoming adult. Angry. Frustrated easily and restricted in my interactions with others. Idk why tbh but I do know its consequences are and will not be in my favor. I am trying to be a money making machine but hmm…let’s see how that works out.
Job satisfaction was never a priority for me but … I have so much of it where I work now that I guess wherever I work in the next 30/40 years, I won’t ever be able to get the same job satisfaction like I do here. If you look at my CV, I never stayed at a place for more than 6 months but here I have been working for double that time and continued. Maybe this is where I will retire from (would love to see THAT happen!)
Anyways, that’s it. Going to get food from hotel now. Bye.
356pm
If I ever wonder in the future why I am alone: Remember today. It is better to live alone than in this mess 😇
623pm
I don’t have money. A full mouth rehab will cost 800,000PKR and by the time I do get 800K to spend on this mouth infection, the cost of doctor and the surgery will increase so .. I don’t think I will ever get this disease off of me.
And hy, maybe this is how Allah wants to make me an ibrat ka nishan!
My mouth hurts like hell and its been this way since the last 36 hours. I want to die tbh, but the only thing that stops me is the reponsibilities I have. Dad spent too much of his age trying to educate me. Now he’s doing the same thing in his old age for my little sister. Mom spent her life trying to fights for my education and now that I can support them, I should support them. I must not die just because I am in pain. I owe them my life atleast until they die and then maybe, I can just die and be in peace. Not to exaggerate b/c it is a blessing that this infection is actually curable, people also have infections and diseases that are simply incurable so I am better off that way. And I will wait for Allah to send something incurable my way too. I am very very angry with my Allah. VERY! I would never treat my creation like he is treating me.
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