837am
I am down with fever. Have been for the last 24 hours or so. My mom, kids, and bndi knows it. I have been pondering over life and its cliche questions. Pondering over life and its cliche questions is cliche too. Sometimes I bring up scenarios in my head where I say, huh, just tell my boss that I can’t do it anymore, I need a long break. Then I think hy, you used to earn 5times less than what you make rn and you still want to say this to him? Shrm ni ati? Then I think should I write this? What if he reads this?

I called dad but he did not pick up. I was standing in the first meethi meethi srdiyon ki dhoop when I called him but he must be driving to the village or maybe, buying stuff from the wholesalers for his shop. He is a hard guy, hardened by life, being an army soldeir for 25+ years is not easy. Then after retirement, the guy does not take a break. Still goes 80kms daily, to and from his shop, to earn a profit of say 40, or 50K a month? That’s me exaggarating it too. But he taught me a lot of stuff I can’t ever be enough thankful for. Especially .. move on. Keep fighting. Never stop. Classic eastern dad who will never weep infront of his kids, did not even do that when Gramms died. That night we reached late because we were in Risalpur back then. I guess that night we had to do two Nmaz-e-Janaza for Grandma because we, and some other relatives, reached late. I did not see him cry. I did see him give a kiss to her forehead while her dead body was laying in the mosque-brought charpai. And then putting her in the grave. No tears. And me? I cry. I have cried lol. Honestly speaking, I could never be as strong as that guy. I just could never be but I won’t be as senseless too because 3 kids? Come on man! We are barely middleclass. I love my youngest sister but well….let’s leave it at that.

And money. The thing for which I work and I work a bit hard. Its the only thing that I can say that I actually worked for, that and like, some few days, few hours of my life for Party, and a few more for Allah. I am 25 and if you count the productive days in my life, all together, could not have been more than 100. I guarantee. I procrastinate. I leave things in half because I love doing new stuff but in half, the stuff is no longer new eh. I love hanging around AppSumo and ProductHunt but half of the apps that I Ctrl+Click are left unread, unscanned, because a human likes shine. I like shine but that’s it. If God asked me do I deserve hell or heaven, I would say neither. I do deserve hell, yes, I have done stuff that should absolutely not be rewarded but I am afraid. Of hell. I am down with fever and if I die, now, I will try my best to speak La Ilaha IllAllah. I am not a practical Muslim but … being a human I am afraid of death, and being a Muslim, I know that a few words are the key for Dunky to Jannat. No probs eh! I love our creator but man, do I have some questions for him. Long story.

The joints in my fingers are now getting tired because of too much typing. I just want to say that … if anyone ever reads this … Don’t limit yourself. What you think you are, What you think you know, its really not true. Because uncertainities are out there. Humans one day may become immortal. Or a nuclear war may start in the next month. You … are limitless. Fools like us dream. You … learn from fools like us and aim, achieve, succeed, complete, win. Bye, world. Bye.

PS: I want to buy a Prius, grey color, and burn it. That’s how rich I want to be. And that’s how powerful I want to be. But wants are delicate moans of desperation never meant to be achieved. Take care.

Bye.


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