10am
So .. I just happened to stroll to fees structure pages of programs for my sister’s next year university.
NUST costs about 25lac in total for normal courses. And its 111lac for MBBS.
AMC costs about 50lac for MBBS and 40lac for Dentists.
IIUI costs about 20lac in total for normal BS Biotech and BS Biology, and about the same for LLB.
QAU costs about 20lac in total for normal courses. I might be forgetting this figure by +/- 5 lac.
I have in total saved 1lac. I had 6, but most of it got used on my teeth problem. So … that’s a helpless sigh.
And you know why I opened these sites? To check how much it would cost me to do MS Project Management or MS Marketing. Forget about it, the kiddo’s BS is more important. Bye.
I was watching this video today where I found out that I am not suicidal in particular, no. Its a cloud of depression, but its recoverable from. Hopefully when I have enough money, I will see a doctor and get it fixed. He said that if you don’t have a plan for committing suicide, you are most probably just depressed and as bad as it as, that’s not suicidal. I don’t have a plan. (I don’t even have a pla – Phoebe). I just know that if right now I had a pill that I could eat to just vanish, to disappear, I’d take it. Yes that is cowardly but that’s cowardly until my brain understands the difference between brave and cowards. After that its either hell or … nothing. Both better than hopelessness. But … you can always commit it tomorrow, right? That’s one hopeful thing I find in hopeless situation. I can always procrastinate on it.
Idk what trigerred it. Perhaps the fucking fee schedules. Baba khte hen jis hal me jeena mushkl he, us hal me jeena lazim he. But he’s my dad, he’s strong. I am not. Okay. Fuck it.
910pm
I absolutely abhor people who come to house unannounced. Like, guests. Wtf? No surprise. I hate it, and one of them is coming to my house rn. So yeah, not in a very good shape. Also yesterday I forgot to write that I had my first ever Police Challan done. It was a good experience, happpened near Committee chowk. 500RS.
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