Hy Tess. I wrote yesterday. And of the day before that as well but both were too dark to post online. Ya in logon ki namaz rhni thi, ya Khuda ka nazrya. Islye rhne dya. Ghreebon k pas Khuda hi hota he, use b cheen lun to…muje Dr lgta he.
Things are not going good. I had a psychologist consultation today for 500Rs from Marham. I’ve attached the part of the prescription here. Agle week phir I’ll pay for a commodity called mental peace. Dystopian reality, having to pay for someone to listen to you and you know what she recommended? “Dost bnao”. Lol. I always thought party k Kam me Nye dost bnte hi rhte hen. But ab psychologist was like … No. Apne lye ksi ko dost bnao, apna dost. Ye to na ho paega!
Anyways, job p ghseet rha Hun. Coursera course chor dia he beech me. 2 books likh rha tha since January, un me se ksi me b Kuch new likhe 10 din se zyada ho gye hen. Bath kye mheena ho gya he. Bedsheet bichae hfta ho gya he. Bs class. Job. Or a k random scrolling. Scrolling ka guilt. Guilt me scrolling. A circle of hell.
I am an asshole but .. at least I know it. Having the knowledge that I’m an asshole doesn’t make it any better but, at least I’m trying to overcome. Am I? Idk. All I wish for is death. Allah ka b Dr ni he ab to, just wish to exit life, bs. Ya sb theek ho jae.
Unit NUST sector NUST ho gyi he. That’s good news. Ab do units hen, EME or Main campus. But I feel shit. That’s it. Bye
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