704pm
I am happy. Rare. Let the world burn. Hath sekenge hveli k bahr gli me rat 2 bje, dunya jla k. Because I am …
Why? You ask!
Because I was able to work. And learn. I learnt how quick I can make a filter pill in figma. I loved it, and this warm fuzzy feeling … I don’t think I can get it anywhere else, atleast in the date of today? One click. Add an instance of the Filter chip from the Material Design 3 UI Library and boom, so many options. Text? Yes. Icon? Sure. No icon? Done. Border? You bet! It is like … someone made the softest paratha roll with creamiest mayo and freshest cheese and you are eating it.
Only, you are eating it as long as you work so .. I am working or am I enjoying a creamy tasty journey to the fill, who knows?
Anyways and there’s another reason. I … had the opportunity to get like 3x my pay from somewhere else this week, and after talking to dad, I decided to say no to that money because I have not yet earnt it. I need to launch this thing we are building, get it going, meet, and cross the failures, get frustrated, spend time and last ounces of energy keeping myself from hitting the screen while working on those frustrative elements, stay uptodate with whatever is the name of borderline dev/design industry constantly, for years, and then I will get the money. My boss the other day said you have impostor syndrome. After looking it up, I thought to myself, I chuckled, he’s mistaken. Because Tess, here’s a secret.
I am marginally competent. At the same time, I am self confident. So don’t take that first line as a pity talk. When I say I am marginally competent, I mean I am not a developer in a world being taken over by IT, not a doctor in a world falling sick, not in Army in a country where Gods worship inflated ego of Generals and Subedars, not in Police or any other government institution where you get pension and Pakistan is merely a plot of land for you, I am … a journalist by my degree, and idk what by practical skills. Can’t even put a name to it. I reply to mails, make basic templates in Microsoft Excel, do HR stuff using MS Suite and .. that’s it? Designer? A bit. Writer? A bit. Programmer? I wish (really, I wish someone in Cadet College gave one fucking class of career guidance on the degrees offered, not to say that I don’t love the one I did).
Journalism? As much as I love it, No thankyou. I am an obedient guy with no intention to trigger the powers that be. Without power to say the truth, to say how people go after Imran Khan and Malik Ryaz (sorry:), I don’t want to be the classic on-screen anchor speaking scripted lines off of a teleprompter, no offense to those who do. To each, their own. I am in love with the work that I do, pray thankyou.
Idk when this became an angry rant from a grateful acknowledgement. Seems like an adult thing I am afraid. Anyways, spent 4 hours Figming today, LOVED it. Bye.
Oh and yes … I know that 🙂 Bye.
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