The one with the opening
There is an opening .. in my teeth. It’s been 10 years, baba khte the beta, brush krlo. Ni to kl ko pain hoga. Its an opening of this pain, now. A week has passed and still, the toothache is not going away. The doctor says it will cost about 100,000 RS to fix everything in the opening. If I proceed, my mouth will become very .. very expensive from a poor family’s standard.
Frankly, I have been having suicide thoughts again, lately. But the main trigger got resolved yesterday so, there’s that. Now however, as i think more and more, secrecy becomes more and more dominant. For the whole week, I was looking at my fan, guessing if it would hold my 65ish kilos. At my lowest point yesterday, I stood up on the chair and pulled the fan as hard as I could, to get an idea. Party ka kam b boht slow kr dia he due to FYP, 9-5 job, last semester midterms and family issue, combined now with this continual dental pain.
I know it is not talked about but .. here goes: I know some people who are rich. Elites, as was the colonel ki BV in that motorway road rage incident and that Quetta me General ka beta who drove over a civilian because he can. I study in a school sitting feets away from vderon ki olad. I wonder what do I have to deal with, that they don’t? Job … they don’t need one to survive and provide. Dental pain? London ilaj k lye chle jate hen boss. Party work? Why would the beneficiaries of crony capitalistm join a party calling for revolution lol. FYP? Outsourced or enjoyed, with the travel part not being a burden on pockets in rising inflation. (Do the rich even know “inflation” is a word?). Family issues? Maybe yeah, they can have these too. I hope they do lol, I am a very pessimist vengeance filled guy.
And hurt. But I am working. I am learning Figma, taking a Google UX design course I applied for and got the scholarhship on, and have a fiverr activated for a month now. Upwork k connects khtm ho gye hen. This is life. I had to go to a shoot for FYP today at home, also to attend a cousin’s marriage tomorrow but this dental pain has me stopped. I am trying my best.
This is it. I hope things get better in some way, soon. Bye. (Please do not comment any sympathies, anyone. Suggestions or Networking are welcome)
Today, I am proud to have done these 5 things:
I worked in the afternoon, while on a walk.
I worked when in fact, there was no activity planned for today
I apologized to her just to end the argument so I can focus on the course and save time.
I apologized to mom for not being able to come back
I tolerated the dental issue without any form of exaggeration.
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