0925
Sitting in the kybo chairs, I feel so so happy rn. Like just now, there was a daily wage laborer here whom I just nodded to, while on my way for a project to library. He kinda pointed at the ears and I was like oh, you want to ask something about the headphones. So I went to him and he said well, these are for like, to save you from heat or from cold? I was like sir, it’s for music or tilavat vgera. I had the naat “Meetha Meetha he mere Muhammad Ka nam” running at that time, and as I put the headphones on his ears, the joy on his face, woah. Mind boggling. For a moment I thought I should give him the headphones but then I remembered that I will need to give phone too .. and that I can’t afford rn 😅 .. God I felt so whole after months for once Alhamdulillah.
1325
Coming back from jumma, I had this conversation with a senior who’s in his last year. I asked him “does it hurt?” .. “to leave NUST ..?”. “I mean it must hurt right?”
He was like yeah, it does. “The feeling of abandonment”, as he called it, “pricks you all the time in your last year.”
And ykw, I don’t want to be in my last year and be thinking how I “wasted” my time here. Nope. I wish I can do something to my life here that when I am in my last year, I know that how I spent my time here, it was not a waste. That I learnt stuff and had meaningful experiences. A job too, obviously, but also more than that, the ability to say confidently that I didn’t waste my last 3 years.
And you know how I’m gonna do that? I know how to write, right? So I’m gonna write. Write pages and words and books, killing my urges to go out, to sleep, to rest and everything else wasteful, I am going to write. That’s how in my last year, and during my last year, I’ll know I did not waste my time here. I used the talent I was born with. In Shaa Allah.
And .. someone borrowed my basketball. Mera mangne ka Dil ni krra. Kya Kiya jae? I guess I should just buy a new one. I don’t want to ask it back.
Anddd just now I again saw another realllllllly sexy bag in C2 .. oh it was awesome. It’s a bit expensive for my budget but if it stays there for just a lil more, I’m gonna buy it. By the time I am 60, I guess I’m gonna have a bag collection. This will be my fifth bag now, when all I need actually is a laptop and a belt-bag for all my stuff. Bag collection makes me happy I guess. Whatever. I’m gonna eat lunch now.
2004
Well .. if you don’t want to read any more negative today, don’t read ahead. If after reading this you’re just gonna presume this as a cheap attempt to gain attention or a loner lamenting his ownself, or gonna take pity or something, then with all respect, please don’t read ahead. I just don’t want you reading any further if you are one of judgers.
At around 5, I was sitting on S3h, top floor, after doing some group related midterm work. So .. I was feeling really emotional and not in a good way. Ahead of me I see people down there, walking and talking in groups and laughing out loud … so I couldn’t cry but I couldn’t stop too. Hands wrapped around my knees, knees bent against the chest, sitting on the tiled floor, I bit the skin off my knee, kept on until the natural reflex made me cry out in pain. And keeping the head under there, I cried out silently. Some time later I stood up and walked all the way back to hostel.
Yeah. This is it. Had to get it out of my system. It’s 2010, back in room, alone. I’m probably gonna sleep, so I am adding this to autopost. Whatever. Take care. Have a nice Saturday.
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