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Its 115am of 15 April. Today I discovered the suicide album, Frank Sinatra. And the last two lyrics of one of the triple songs … good lol. Reading what you have been thinking, and listening to it being said in a song, its a weird pain and pleasure together. Someone else has felt this too,…

Hey Tess Every time for the past few days that I start writing, the stories in my head are far longer, the incidents of the day are detailed and the plans to write those are elaborate … until here, of this moment, now. I don’t find the strength left to pen down more of what…

Hy Tess, Last two days I guess I did not write the diary but both of these day, I thought about it. In bed, just as I was about to fall asleep, this missed habit popped up but I ignored it as usual, like I have ignored so many good things in life, hush, sleep.…

Hy Tess!!! Well its 203am. I have been working for the past 10ish hours. Completed 8hrs for today and … I am not satisfied with the amount of work I was able to output but hy … atleast I have another day tomorrow to look forward to 🙂 I am listening to Kaavish, Faasle. Its…

Hy Tess Why are things the way they are? And why do I have to have the knowledge that in every generation, every kid who refused to grow up asked this same question. And why do I still have to be the way I am. Maybe for some, this is good. This is perfect. I…

450amWell, the only good thing I can say about today is time passes. Those 24hours are not here, they are gone, past, alhamdulillah. I may sound very sad Tess, to say that I am celebrating time passing away but I am actually happy. It was so much. And I know its going to be so…

852pmWell, hy! I am back lol. Hardly away, a day skipped? Idk, and it does not really matter, does it? Time, slow, day by day, minute by minute, we barely notice it. Even an year goes by without much notice but 3-5 years is when it starts making a distinct different. Atleast for me, Tess.…

Hy everyone. What chaos are you guys in nowadays? I’m making a website for hudistic. And I can’t figure out what design/layout I want! A virtual 3d store where you can walk and select and view items is both new, and cool. You feel as if walking in a game. A virtual shopping mall. When…

Today was well .. 9/10! Unlike the day before yesterday when it was 10/10, today I was free and bored mostly so I … got lost into memories again and again. I’m recovering marvelously still. So till Zuhr, I literally couldn’t do or say or even think anything properly. The brain me as if occupied…

07:27 am It’s 0727. I’m feeling very tired this morning. All these memories clouding my head. As much as I try to oppress and pray and hope I’ll never remember who did what .. I’m a human being. Can’t keep them out for much! It’s so torturing and painful. 12:34 Pm My first class just…

Starting right off, first of all, I was deeepressed the whole day. But then I got so happy, how? That’s not the story! You know whenever I go for a walk these evenings, I want to like .. stroll and roam around freely. Have you ever felt anything like that? Like I have my headphones…

Hy…how are you. So It’s the 3rd time I have deleted Snapchat in 2 years. Here’s the story of how, for each time. The first time when Covid 19 was raging full fledge in the cities of Pakistan and I was lurking nearby, through the muddy fields of central Punjab without telling my family lol.…

Nothing special. I’m going to resume cutting myself, starting just about now. I don’t know of the future, nor do I give a fuck about it, I just want to be able to get rid of these voices in my head, and sleep peacefully. Bbye.

08:46 am Well this is good. I can’t believe I did it again! My laptop was getting slow so .. over the past few days it was lagging a lil. And I was frustrated because for months I had saved money and finally got this upgraded laptop with like amazing specs, just last month. It…

10:32am I am in the central library. In total in Nust, we have like >10 libraries and this one, the Central library, is the biggest of them all. It’s huge. So many books and so many wonderful stories and lessons in each book. It’s a shame then how we still choose to learn lessons the…

Today is the start of October. Autumn is setting in … I remember back in the autumn of 2020, I wrote a poem on some month. I can’t remember which specifically. It was autumn anyways. Now it’s autumn again and life is playing out strange cards. Snatching what was loved to create an emotion of…

1823 Today was … good? A little tiring but good. I got to do some never-done-before things, so I am happy. In the morning when I woke up though, it was seriously smuggy conditions for me .. Slept late last night. Missed breakfast. Lunch was not what I can eat too so missed that. Then…

04: 42 pm I was just returning from Asr prayer, when this guy I know living on my floor catches up with from behind, nudges me to a stop, and holds out a hangar, saying with quite nervousness, “Oye sun, ye shirt “gay” to nhi lg rhi”… I’m trying to suppress my smile. Actually his…

02:23 pm I was sitting in mess just now, eating lentils with a spoon, when I noticed a commotion around me. I was right on the corner of the long table. Looking up, at the head table right beside me, what I see is a military-type-person, retired yet promoted now to a civilian officer post,…

Today was Saturday. Boring. A lil productive and well, a lot more boring. Woke up. Prayed. Slept. Woke up Breakfasted. Slept. Woke up. Prayed. Slept. Woke up. Prayed. Slept. Woke up late. Prayed by myself. Wrote this down. One more prayer and then we’ll move to Sunday. Which, as it happens, is gonna be as…

Today was kinda emotional. I was going to the mosque, when I noticed, in the protocol avenue, there was a black civic parked, green number plate. There were 5 people on the footpath besides that car, standing in the shades of the trees. They were I guess having an out-of-office, informal meeting. One other guy…

Well….I’m writing this while sitting inside my class with no headphones on. Sir is not here and we have a quiz today. I am trying to just sit without putting music on .. I’m just sitting here rn. It is exhausting. So many people are talking, so many conversations happening, so many tones, exciting, overlapping…

What is it about people who call you, and when you cut their call to call back yourself, they “aren’t available”? What is it like you have your SIM installed in a public phone or something? Or is it in Joey’s (F.R.I.E.N.D.S) new apartment’s bathroom phone? I called you literally moments after you did, and…

I woke up 20 mins before breakfast timing closed today. Missed fajar! Opened eyes to see 0910 on clock. Well, I washed my face and combed and packed the bag and changed into something wearable outside and ate Naan Channe, and travelled to class, all in 20 minutes. Felt like a cadet for a brief…

So today I went to class too early. Woke up at 0942. Didn’t remember class starts at 2pm, so I was there in NLE lab at 1000. (NLE lab is quite an extravagant lab in S3H, NUST, where there are like 50 MACs placed for students) About 20 minutes later when there came no other…

Hy…wassup? .. well it rained today. A lot. Like at 4pm, it looked like 7pm, no Sun or anything, all hail and thunderstorm. I walked in the rain. And then I splashed and jumped in the ankle-deep rainwater too. No matter how much I wish to end it from my mind, I’ll have to say…

The pleasure of existing in someone else’s thoughts is so powerful for most of us, that most humans simply choose to resist the possibility of it ever happening 😄 … people are afraid of love 🤦‍♂️ Death is when you can finally breathe in peace ✌️

I will write everything I want to say today, tomorrow. This post should be thought as a government vacancy, filled already but still posted.

Well….I had Chinese lunch. Chinese people speaking Chinese, managing a Chinese restaurant with Chinese manners. (By manners, I mean they literally had a sign on the wall saying, “Please forgive me” in three different languages. Just the phrase, “Please forgive me” hanging by the wall. The only problem was the food though. It wasn’t Chinese…

136Skip all day, I am in my skates again. (Please don’t get bored 😂). And … I just completed a full hour (or even more) on skates, gliding the very place I used to dread visiting once. It’s really crowded and like, crammed with people. The very main cafe on one side, a girls hostel…

0557So….this amazing thing happened just yesterday. Completely amazing, and I mean, blew my mind right off. There’s this person here at NUST I am learning skating from … and the person gave me their extra skating shoes until I don’t get mine! Like….just like that 🤷‍♂️ out of nowhere. I needed them and I got…

2226 Well….I got some skating shoes which really fit me perfect. How I got those is what I’ll tell tomorrow because abhi it’s 2227. I need to post this asap. Take care, have a great tuesday fellas. Bbye from the diary of a senseless wanderer.See you .. bbye.

1137 I am sitting here in margalla cafe, which one of the many businesses in NUST. I’m here for a group project meeting……today, this is almost the same weather when in spring, we remove our uppers and coats and stuff, because ‘grmyan a rhi hen’. Now I see people wearing chadars and hoodies etc, under…

1016 Hy good people … How are you all? Today I … consiously … turned my Fajr Alarm off and went to sleep and I feel guilty now. Last night I couldn’t sleep well so…I couldn’t muster the courage to wake up. I hope I am forgiven for that .. And by the time I…

0654 How are you all…I hope good. Was this weekend’s start welcoming for you? It certainly was for me… So I woke up at 0540, prayed and recited Surah Yaseen (which I had memorized previously but now, it’s just bits and pieces. I’ll soon memorize it again In Shaa Allah). And then I just lay…

2026 You know what I just realized … that people will actually make excuses for your bad behaviour, for you to be good, and they’ll be completely okay with it, they’ll deal with it and handle you, they’ll call on you and see to you, when they love you. They do. They actually do. Such…

1827 I’m sitting on top floor of NUST library looking outside at the “Campus Breaths Again”, event conducted by NUST administration. A success. Then there was heavy rain. I came while it was pouring. The pools of water on protocol avenue made me nostalgic. I was lost in the sands of dead times. Now however…

2156 Well….I skated again today, wearing a friend’s shoes! 0125It’s night. Like .. it’s pretty deep, dark and cold outside and I’m wide wide awake. Why is that Urdu proverb: “Ghore bech k Sona”, (گھوڑے بیچ کے سونا) .. represents someone in “deep sleep”? I mean look, if I had some horses previously, and I…

1649 S3h (School of social sciences and humanities, in NUST University, Islamabad) is a lively place isn’t it. There are so many people, so many ‘vibes’. Each look you get, no matter how minute, means something (and that meaning can actually also be: nothing, but nothing is something too). There’s charisma, there’s energy, there’s colors…

Today for a small time, I was feeling suicidal. Some triggers happening simulatenously forced me into a corner, and as a defense mechanism, I started to think of ways to … just quit! I’m alright now. But I’m wondering now that what if all the complexities of a suicide are removed, the physical pain or…

I am grateful because I just skated from Zakriya Parking to HBL road to Gate 2 then C1 from the long road, then from the back of Fatima hostel upto gym besides S3h, turn at S3h sheds to the back of NBS, then did some 8s in basketball court and then back all the way…

Logon ka thukraya hua koi bnda agr Allah k pas jae to kya Allah use qbool krte hen? We can’t know it because to meet Allah, to get to know the answer for sure, one has to die but if I extrapolate from what I know of him from the Holy Book and all ……

Hy Tess! Its 714pm. I am working. I have been working since 310pm, bar a visit outside to get dinner, but the shops were closed due to Eid. So I came back but I am a bit hungry now. And otherwise well, you know how it is. How many times should/can a man repeat the…