Articles

1101pmWell, today was not very productive. I worked only 2 to 3 hours, but its a Saturday. And I am slowly accepting the fact that I will just have to move on with this thought, the background thought, that still in my head, all the time. That’s just how it is. On the plus side,…

Well, its 302pm. I don’t think the time restriction did much good on yesterday’s post so … I am going to write the time again. Atleast on the website, it is easy and makes sense. On Instagram, it … did not make much sense but I have deleted the social media apps so … I…

Hy! I guess adding the time of when I write the diary is a bit too much information so I am going to stop that from now. This could be temporary too, as is every good thing in my fucking life. You can perhaps guess Tess, from the mood, that I am agitated a bit.…

I was roaming on Discord servers today when I found someone writing this in one of the support group’s vent space. And man does it hit home! (Copied from someone idk): If someone ever told me in 2021 or 2022, that I’d be posting somewhere how much I fucking miss you, without actually being able…

It’s not like I won’t get sad again, infact I feel kinda sad right now hehe. I don’t want to go back. This was good. This was .. skoon. I was feeling as if amongst my people, although I met these people just 2 days ago or less. I don’t want to grow (teary smile)…

1942…skipped today’s class. Which in detail means, bunked to stay curled in a ball of nothingness on the corner of my bed sobbing like a child. Oh god I am stupid 🤦‍♂️😄 And then went skating. Did all the ramps available. And grinded and recorded one particularly large ramp 6 times in 4mins 34 secs,…

1544Is it crazy or what? I am so happy right now and the reason is really weird. I got an appointment with a psychotherapist at a hospital, Islamabad. Yeah, literally that’s all the reason. And I’m smiling like mad lol. Finally I’ll be able to see behind these thoughts in my head and hopefully figure…

1736Today was busy. More like … life-changing busy but I won’t raise any expectations 😃 Enough to say is that I think .. I THINK (Phoebe-style) .. I am discovering myself again. New thoughts and new … goals. Change is what I feel, and it’s positive, that’s what I know. Although still it’s not like…

1500I just came back from a meeting here in S3h, with our Industrial Linkage Officer. I had two new ideas to discuss, and the conclusion he gave was, “I’m not discouraging you Awais, but your ideas are too good for this nation”. Well, #1 I don’t want to believe him. #2, Are they? Can’t we…

0816…I missed the train. It was a good excuse not to go home but then mom insisted and so, I think I’ve to go. Let’s go. Let’s just get this done with. I’m gonna go by local bus coz I am not waiting any more. …Suba Hoti he and I wake up agonized in memories.…

I’m gonna post this tomorrow or the day after. But as I write it today, I’m feeling a mixture of emotions buried in me. Tonight will be restless. Tomorrow, I’m having a stall in Nust. Idk if it goes good, but I’m sure I will profit from it. Here’s the thing: it’s always down to…

“Customer is always right” is a capitalist lie. If the customer is an asshole, (s)he should’ve treated as such. The minute you “disrespect” a minimum wage worker, even on their actual mistake, you lose your ground and you deserve every inch of hate you receive.

I’m enroute to Peshawar on my first ever Faisal movers bus. Once there, I’ve got to cover a differently-abled PMS officer’s special education story … more like the absence of special education. Anyways..yeah this is it. I have been meaning to resume writing diary for a long time now but due to different reasons at…

First time eating in Ramadan. In contrast to my skinny built, I’ve always found the strength to keep all fasts, every Ramadan, starting from when I was in grade 2. Now, I am eating inside Railway Restaurant. There are people around me eating so .. it’s not that awkward as I thought it would be.…

Whenever I resume the diary of a senseless wanderer again, I’ll add this there. Life is layed out in front of me. And it is gentle and hard at the same time. I’m not soft enough to admit every little lie that is told in the name of “spreading positivity” and “promoting a strengthened mind”,…

I hate the idea of waiting. Especially if it is for an interview or suchlike. If I have to meet someone who has some struggle in his life, and is thus a good person to have an interaction with, they won’t keep me waiting. I hate the idea of having to work for people who…

Hyyyyyyyyyyy This was a busy week…I guess zero YouTube video. I’ll record one this weekend. Anyways. I’m just gonna say it because … I say everything! Now, I feel like getting mature (I know that sounds … not good but just hear me out). Today I set a single goal: Ma

Hy Tess. Today was kinda normal … when I was expecting it to go worse … So actually good huh. I had a paper today. Statistics. 2 of 15 mcqs I knew. Baqi SB tukka. I was originally expecting k kuch questions ate hi ni honge but .. did everything in paper. Ab Dekho kya…

Fuck it. Here goes. I miss the memories I had with my ex. There. I WAS SO AFRAID TO ADMIT IT ☠️😂 …ajeeb. I miss the moments we made together at heaven’s edge. NMC and other places in Nust. And particularly in C1 huts .. I was getting stupid candles and stuff, bought with my…

تو قادر و عادل ہے مگر تیرے جہاں میںہیں تلخ بہت بندہ مزدور کے اوقات Hy Tess…. Today was .. good. 7/10. I woke up at 730. Bathed. Put on clean clothes, had breakfast and went on job. I saw pretty interesting sights today while enroute. From where I have started going now, on one…

Hy Tess. What’s up .. nothing much? You are pages. What do you do all day? Wait? I hope you do that 😂 Anyways .. here’s me. Today was kinda good. Good in a sense that it was mostly productive. Majorly productive till 9pm from 8am today. So … good. I woke up at 730.…

Before I write that Tess, I want to tell you something. Somethings. Fuck it. Here goes. I went to Peshawar today. At faisal movers terminal, I met a kid. 14 years of age, studies in Sir Syed School, class 7/8. Dad dead. Mom disabled. He has a big sister who teaches Quran to children. He…

Hy. How are you? I want to tell you something. Well it’s not like I should … maybe this is a mistake but maybe this is not. I just want the voice in my head to stop so I’m gonna write it down. Probably I’ll not post this. With B, it is that she’s too…

Hy Tess … How are you Today .. was good. Right now is very good. It rained and I’m laying in grass looking up at the sky. There’s a star. And down below, there’s a line of trees surrounding me on one side. Today was 7/10. Even though I still have stuff to do when…

I had thought of only writing in you every night. But .. I want to destress right now. So here it is Tess. Work from home is a bitch. Communication, especially with people who actually think, is difficult. I’m working with a guy who .. is kinda strict. He is my senior. And he was…