Articles

An Instagram story from @baigandbaigum triggered this .. trail of thoughts. I decided to write an entry for Diary of a senseless wanderer. This week was kinda stressing. But at the end, because I know I did enough productive work, peace is on me. Also because I have a distinct and clear list of stuff…

03.25.25

Mar 25, 2025

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Aashqi sbr tlb, or tmnna betabDil ka kya rng krun, khoon-e-jigr hone tk! Matric k Urdu Nisab me jin ghzlon ko prh prh k hste the, aj vohi rula rhi hen bc. Wtf. Hmne mana k taghaful na kroge, lekin; khak ho jaenge hm tumko khbr hone tk 🐳 Kher, bkchodi k ilava scene theek…

Happiness

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Sometime in Fall 2021

Use

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Sometime in Fall 2020 I’m sitting on a bus taking us (Edit: this was written when I was involved in an unsuccessful relationship, therefore: us) to go get our vaccination certificates. A girl by my side gave me a pen to write my CNIC and number on this medical receipt. I have had written it…

Sit Straight

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Fall 2021 You know what? Don’t say to someone that they should sit straight or look forward or swing their arms more. I am in this deep dark abyss right now because someone used to insist that I should ‘sit straight’. I hate myself for this because my back is like 2 feet and I…

Someplace Serene

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Fall 2021 Everyone needs to have basic rights. A need to feel safe and a need to feel free. A need to be wanted. A need to belong. A need to connect with people lifelong. A need to find meaning. A need to find love and feel love. A need to be respected when spoken…

Stupid Opinion about PK Suffrages

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Sometime in Fall 2021 Once when I was coming back to NUST, just a couple of metres outside gate 1, I saw a girl, 16 or 17 years of age, on a donkey cart. She was with her little 3/4-year-old sister… Looking lost, perhaps thinking of where her next meal would come from, her clothes…

Sometime in Spring 2022 (1)

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University internet was down recently. And I realized how much we are dependent on internet. All lectures for my studies are on MS Teams. I have to tweak my budget and YNAB is an online platform. I have to text some people and WhatsApp needs internet. It’s 1054am. Some guy had an online meet planned…

Third Week of 2022

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Songs of the week:Cradles by SuburbanCounting Stars by Simply Three Books of the week1. Negotiations: A reader for writers – Judith Summerfield2. Gilgit Baltistan Ka Urdu Adab – Halqa Arbab-e-Zoq3. Musadiss-e-Hali – Khawaja Altaf Hussein Hali If this is just not another entry in the diary of a senseless wanderer! What a journey it has…

Sit Straight, Awais.

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Sometime in Spring 2022 At three in the night as everyone sleeps tightI twist and turn, with rising concern Why can’t I sleep? Where’s the peace I found?Was time not supposed to heal my wound?Was progress not supposed to provide me the happinessPreviously in you that was found How is it that after working till…

Morning, Voices

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22 February 2022 I wanted to write something bad, so I wrote this. Now I’ll never let you go amiss. I found you causing me a lot of pain and I found you believing people’s mind games. I found you and I made you give up the humanistic urge to wealth, to fame or to…

Scrap

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March 24 2025: The following is from Fall 2021 and Spring 2022. Its a collection of notes from Google Keep being transported here today. Nights pass and days go byI stumble, suffer, scream & cryBad dreams, Sad dreamsTell the stories I wish were dry Totally fine, wholly goodAnd then suddenly off the hookI try so…

Self Catharsis

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It’s okay to be self-aware. It’s good to be responsible and to feel responsible. And questioning your actions before you do, and words before you utter is the right thing to do. Indeed it is. But slow. Slow down a clock because these are dangerous things to think about. We are all evil in someone’s…

03.23.25

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2109Delirious. Delulu. Never gonna happen. Daydreams. What else can one name the soft murmur of simple, very simple, far too simple wishes of a human. Its a complex world. Intricate. Sophisticated. Linked. One choice is not independent of the reaction from previous decisions. Its delulu but more complicated. And that’s utter non-sense. 2214I have been…

30K for 30 days

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Sometime in Fall 2021 I am struggling with my schedule. A friend said today, “It’s alright to sleep till 7am when you’re doing a 9-5 Awais”. And .. really? 8 hours per day + 2 hours commuting to/fro job = 10 hours of day10/day x 30 days / month = 30 PKR300 hours of work…

بہ نام وطن – مصطفیٰ زیدی

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07.30.22 کون ہے جو آج طلبگار ِ نیاز و تکریموہی ہر عہد کا جبروت وہی کل کے لئیموہی عیّار گھرانے وہی ، فرزانہ حکیموہی تم ، لائق صد تذکرہء و صد تقویمتم وہی دُشمن ِ احیائے صدا ہو کہ نہیںپسِ زنداں یہ تمہی جلوہ نما ہو کہ نہیں تم نے ہر عہد میں نسلوں سے…

08.11.22

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I don’t know if I will share it or not. Most probably will at some later date. I feel unhealthy mentally. Exhausted. And I don’t know why. I wish I didn’t exist. The epidemic of existential crisis in the teens of today, I thought I had solved out my identity. Maybe I have and this…

09.02.22

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How long it’s been .. a month? More I guess. Diary of a senseless wanderer. When I thought of this name, it wasn’t in my mind a bit how …sticky, it would be. Or perhaps I chose to create my future by choosing to be .. a senseless wanderer. Lol. Anyways, today is going to…

09.19.22

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This week was mixed. I had already shifted to Attar but the whole week, I was approached one way or the other by Kashif to change room. Eventually I did. Anyways .. it was good as in I fell down pretty hardly, various times. And I stood up, again. In this week, I also saw…

10.08.22

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Hy. Morning! It’s quite sometime after I am waking up in the morning again, to the birds in blues that fly around only at this time. It’s a beautiful scene. I’d deleted all social media except YouTube months ago. Now, I downloaded Instagram for some fun, yesterday, and decided to as well create another entry…

Sometime in Fall 2022

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Hy .. it’s been a long time since we met. Probably not much but .. pretty much more than normal. Certainly not regular as we once used to be! Here I am. Confiding in your swiftly lest I lose a passing thought like a gist of wind.I’ve been .. moving. How are you? Well, you…

Sometime in Fall 2021 (11)

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1824 I’m going home for 24 hours tomorrow. And haha… I’m having a panic attack rn. My mind seems to have a mind of its own. I won’t write the details because then everyone thinks oh it’s attention-seeking. So yeah … it’s not. Bbye I feel so unworthy of everything I got. Worthless. My life…

Sometime in Fall 2021 (10)

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1623 So yeah … Last night I was stupid enough to like order a pizza for myself even though I have had dinner. Now 18 hours later, it’s still half left. I tried to share it with people passing by my room but … just one person took a slice. I had it ovened and…

Sometime in Fall 2021 (9)

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2117 … nothing special. An ice-cream, a moonless night, a pair of inline skates and heavenly songs on headphones wrapping my head. What more can one need huh! (One can need another one to force-teach skating and share this all with but, I should not say it. After all telling deep desires open your weaknesses…

Sometime in Fall 2021 (8)

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1250 Today I had no class. So … obviously I was feeling the need to “do something” and “just fuckin do something awais” in my head. I racked my mind but couldn’t bring myself to do anything. So I just kept laying there in bed till 12pm. Then something sprung me out of it ……

Sometime in Fall 2021 (7)

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