Diary of a Senseless Wanderer

0955 I’m playing … since I woke up. Do you know I didn’t even go to breakfast? I mean … Steam had a Halloween sale going on and … I bought 2 of my wishlist games yesterday. Can’t stop people, can’t stop now. Yesterday I slept around 12am, (which is technically today morning). Woke up…

I went to itwaar bazar today. First time ever alone in there and what I found out today is yet another talent hiding all this time 🤠😄 … “Locating the best piece of whatever stuff you need from the whole flea market” 💁‍♂️ .. I remembered all the store numbers and directions and exact places…

0828 After a long time today, I actually wanted to shower in the morning 🤦‍♂️😅 … just to feel good. So .. wasted some sizzling water while … having shower thoughts? Anyways, I just came back. I think I’m gonna take a haircut today. Whenever these strands on my head grow to a point where,…

1745 Today again .. I found myself thinking why am I posting stuff on Instagram? Now Alhamdulillah, I am completely over Instagram’s addiction. On an average day, I open it like, twice. Once when I post at or around 10pm. Second in any part of day when I open it, for a total of 20…

0247I had this weird conversation with myself. Read along if you wanna. I: you are very strong, do you know that?It: I need to be strong, look at yourself. Cutting skin and burning your cuts to prove what?I: Shut up (lightly)It: And now deying your hair .. and ASH!!!I: I like it!It: You are running…

1057 So I just came back from Hostel-C2-CSD via Protocol Avenue-C2-Hostel, road blading at 10am noon. And I have decided to color my hairs light ash. Went to CSD to check the shades. Light Ash #55 is what I’m going for. It’s a coping mechanism. It’s unhealthy. But it is better than cutting and burning…

2007 Well, today’s paper went well. More good than I was expecting, because I hadn’t studied much. Anyways .. yeah, it went good. Now day after tomorrow is my English literature paper. Some poems and he’s gonna ask all these weird grammatical stuff I guess, of which I have no idea. It’s so weird isn’t…

2115 Well .. today tess, infact right now, I was just going to try some buckets in the s3h basketball court, on skates. But .. the people I was gonna ask are a couple of lovebirds. Can’t disturb them. Excuse me, can I be a bone please? Whatever. Muj se ni Hoga. Anyways, today was…

162610 I got that much needed haircut 😂 … A lil surge in confidence, and 300 RS later, I am hairless, again. Anyways .. I plan to skate outside nust today upto McDonald. Let’s see if that work outs. And yeah, I completed that long-pending Radio Production assignment today too. That’s another lil surge of…

165129So right now, I’m wearing skates Infront of Main office, and behind me is the circular lawn. Can you believe it? Just when i think there’s nothing new to do, something new happens! Today I went in a teacher’s office on skates in s3h, and returned just now. I have started using footpaths and stairs…

So yeah … I am sitting in class. English literature. For tonight you know I’m slightly worried because like, they’re streaming match in s3h. And … I kinda want to come but like, I can’t come ‘) … Skating I did after fajar today and I couldn’t go outside too which I was planning to…

2046 Guess who’s on firrrrrrrree todaiii? MY LEGS ARE WAATTTAHHH (read water as wataah, British accent) I skated blahblahblah….leave it. (highlight: went to c3 today) … But like, I am spinning and dancing and like, being fluid on these knees like magicccc…..it’s amazing yar. Just awesome. I don’t know where this confidence came from but,…

Well, it’s … as amazing as it can get? I mean I skated all the way from my room to Nust Medical Center, got checked by a doctor, meds and all and now returned all the way to my room .. skatinggggg. Haha me is unstoppable (quite literally) 😂 …. I’m countering my shyness and…

0811 I don’t want to go to school today. And it’s super-rare coz I’ve never had the urge to ‘bunk’ classes. There’s no obvious reason. I am just not feeling ready for 2 lectures and the general humdrum of School. 1825 Well I did go to the school. There were two classes and both were…

0025 So … I just gave myself some new gifts. On the right wrist and all five fingers of the right hand. It pained more because cutting with left hand, you are blunt. So the time required to cut so deep, to reach the veins down, it is more than normal. I did it because…

1908 What should I say? “Done with the hype of being MOC”? But that’s a sentence I have already used once. Anyways .. I MOCed today’s Nust Cricket Championship final today. Ghnte Ka Kam tha, or ‘ghanta’ Kam ni tha IYKWIM. It was easy. I had to improvise and there was a good help too,…

1101pmWell, today was not very productive. I worked only 2 to 3 hours, but its a Saturday. And I am slowly accepting the fact that I will just have to move on with this thought, the background thought, that still in my head, all the time. That’s just how it is. On the plus side,…

Well, its 302pm. I don’t think the time restriction did much good on yesterday’s post so … I am going to write the time again. Atleast on the website, it is easy and makes sense. On Instagram, it … did not make much sense but I have deleted the social media apps so … I…

Hy! I guess adding the time of when I write the diary is a bit too much information so I am going to stop that from now. This could be temporary too, as is every good thing in my fucking life. You can perhaps guess Tess, from the mood, that I am agitated a bit.…

I was roaming on Discord servers today when I found someone writing this in one of the support group’s vent space. And man does it hit home! (Copied from someone idk): If someone ever told me in 2021 or 2022, that I’d be posting somewhere how much I fucking miss you, without actually being able…

It’s not like I won’t get sad again, infact I feel kinda sad right now hehe. I don’t want to go back. This was good. This was .. skoon. I was feeling as if amongst my people, although I met these people just 2 days ago or less. I don’t want to grow (teary smile)…

1942…skipped today’s class. Which in detail means, bunked to stay curled in a ball of nothingness on the corner of my bed sobbing like a child. Oh god I am stupid 🤦‍♂️😄 And then went skating. Did all the ramps available. And grinded and recorded one particularly large ramp 6 times in 4mins 34 secs,…

1544Is it crazy or what? I am so happy right now and the reason is really weird. I got an appointment with a psychotherapist at a hospital, Islamabad. Yeah, literally that’s all the reason. And I’m smiling like mad lol. Finally I’ll be able to see behind these thoughts in my head and hopefully figure…

1736Today was busy. More like … life-changing busy but I won’t raise any expectations 😃 Enough to say is that I think .. I THINK (Phoebe-style) .. I am discovering myself again. New thoughts and new … goals. Change is what I feel, and it’s positive, that’s what I know. Although still it’s not like…

1500I just came back from a meeting here in S3h, with our Industrial Linkage Officer. I had two new ideas to discuss, and the conclusion he gave was, “I’m not discouraging you Awais, but your ideas are too good for this nation”. Well, #1 I don’t want to believe him. #2, Are they? Can’t we…

0816…I missed the train. It was a good excuse not to go home but then mom insisted and so, I think I’ve to go. Let’s go. Let’s just get this done with. I’m gonna go by local bus coz I am not waiting any more. …Suba Hoti he and I wake up agonized in memories.…