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2109Delirious. Delulu. Never gonna happen. Daydreams. What else can one name the soft murmur of simple, very simple, far too simple wishes of a human. Its a complex world. Intricate. Sophisticated. Linked. One choice is not independent of the reaction from previous decisions. Its delulu but more complicated. And that’s utter non-sense. 2214I have been…

I don’t know if I will share it or not. Most probably will at some later date. I feel unhealthy mentally. Exhausted. And I don’t know why. I wish I didn’t exist. The epidemic of existential crisis in the teens of today, I thought I had solved out my identity. Maybe I have and this…

How long it’s been .. a month? More I guess. Diary of a senseless wanderer. When I thought of this name, it wasn’t in my mind a bit how …sticky, it would be. Or perhaps I chose to create my future by choosing to be .. a senseless wanderer. Lol. Anyways, today is going to…

This week was mixed. I had already shifted to Attar but the whole week, I was approached one way or the other by Kashif to change room. Eventually I did. Anyways .. it was good as in I fell down pretty hardly, various times. And I stood up, again. In this week, I also saw…

Hy. Morning! It’s quite sometime after I am waking up in the morning again, to the birds in blues that fly around only at this time. It’s a beautiful scene. I’d deleted all social media except YouTube months ago. Now, I downloaded Instagram for some fun, yesterday, and decided to as well create another entry…

Hy .. it’s been a long time since we met. Probably not much but .. pretty much more than normal. Certainly not regular as we once used to be! Here I am. Confiding in your swiftly lest I lose a passing thought like a gist of wind.I’ve been .. moving. How are you? Well, you…

1824 I’m going home for 24 hours tomorrow. And haha… I’m having a panic attack rn. My mind seems to have a mind of its own. I won’t write the details because then everyone thinks oh it’s attention-seeking. So yeah … it’s not. Bbye I feel so unworthy of everything I got. Worthless. My life…

1623 So yeah … Last night I was stupid enough to like order a pizza for myself even though I have had dinner. Now 18 hours later, it’s still half left. I tried to share it with people passing by my room but … just one person took a slice. I had it ovened and…

2117 … nothing special. An ice-cream, a moonless night, a pair of inline skates and heavenly songs on headphones wrapping my head. What more can one need huh! (One can need another one to force-teach skating and share this all with but, I should not say it. After all telling deep desires open your weaknesses…

1250 Today I had no class. So … obviously I was feeling the need to “do something” and “just fuckin do something awais” in my head. I racked my mind but couldn’t bring myself to do anything. So I just kept laying there in bed till 12pm. Then something sprung me out of it ……

2209 Today was good. In the evening it became best. I went to class early today. But then also left early because nothing was happening except a lot of noise. I should have preserved a little to stay there but .. couldn’t. Went back to room. And that is where the good things happened. I…

2134Well, today was good. Kinda. Because I was mostly busy and thus, had no time for fzool thoughts. But what I just saw like 10 minutes ago is making my blood boil (angry emoji but I hate the red man). I should shut up. It’s natural. The reaction is natural and it’s all right. Shhh…

2132I made this group on WhatsApp for me. Added both my numbers. From one I pretend to be my friend. From 2nd, I reply being Awais. That’s all. Also did the Radio Production assignment but haven’t prepped tomorrow’s paper ab tk. I know It’s my fault, please don’t judge too harshly. I mean yeh it’s…

1908 Well … Thanks man. I really appreciate that. I was in my bed today till 4pm. Then a guy here in hostel texted, told me to get out, “let’s go somewhere to eat.” I was like sure. I just came back. It feels really good. This … Rant-with-someone in physical was a session long…

0820I’m using sleep as a coping mechanism. It’s been three days now, I am taking nap at noon even when I can’t sleep. Just Chuck myself into the bed. Ajeeb Other than that, I’m feeling awesome. Like .. studying properly, getting over people and their mean comments about the breakup, without any psycatrists help, talking…

2051 I have my last written paper on 22. And that is most difficult one. Theories of mass communication. That teacher has one very weird habit. I mean not in a disrespectful way, just .. fun if you may. He calls us all, 40+ individual people in his class, ‘bacha’. And I’m ALWAYS like sir…

0925 Sitting in the kybo chairs, I feel so so happy rn. Like just now, there was a daily wage laborer here whom I just nodded to, while on my way for a project to library. He kinda pointed at the ears and I was like oh, you want to ask something about the headphones.…

I’m at a better place now than I was a month ago, so I guess this is working. By “this”, I mean a mindful struggle to be consistently better. Anyways, here are the lessons for this month: 1. Create a balance in everyday tasks.2. Clarify; at the moment.3. Don’t preempt your behaviour During this month…

Hy Tess, what’s up. How’s life treating you. It’s been a month or two I guess, since the last entry in the diary of a senseless wanderer. I guess it’s never actually going to stop being written, Tess. Anyways, let’s see what we got for today. Things have changed. They always do. Today I feel…

Today was okayish. I had a minor fight with Huda (fake name obv) but I also had two informal meetings. Other than that, I created another Fiverr gig (4th now) and attended Michael Kugleman’s Talk at Lincoln corner, along with both classes. I’m feeling good. If I keep learning about humans the way I do…

Well, today was okayish until I saw her! Like seriously, it was going well. I had an unexpected meeting with Kashif who by the way, is enjoying the yellow journalism, the usual. I don’t want to pin any hopes, but this guy could possibly be an MDF before I leave NUST. Anyways, I saw her.…

Today was good. As in I woke up late but 30 minutes later, I was at job and that is good, being punctual. I had a deep talk with Kashif today too, where I realised how slowly, our friendship had become only a part and parcel of party’s interactions and how we lost, as he…

So, today was okay. In fact, it was slightly more than okay in the sense that it started with another cold shower! I love the fact that I can expose my body to its limits in the morning and somehow, like it too. I am strengthened. I went to Kashif today but it did not…

Today, for the first time, someone close was harassed. The guy is a rich person from our colony. He might like cleanliness and education and maybe, loyalty, but he is a scumbag for me nonetheless. What worries me is the mere fact that I did interact with people from the opposite gender in my life…

Good things are becoming more frequent and bad things are becoming less and less, both in frequency and intensity. I love this transformation. Today, I will just write some things that invoke positivity in me: 1. I recanted over an instantaneous decision (to buy a flip phone)2. I returned back to the dumbphone a few…

Well, today was good as well. I’m not particularly eager to document my day. I don’t want to write here but, as soon as I do, more often than not, I end up writing more than expected. Anyways, the following are the five good things that happened today:1. I took a cold shower even though…

Yesterday I missed out on reviewing, budgeting and planning my day. Now, however, I am back. Tomorrow, I will get up to bathe once again, as I am not letting go of that sense of accomplishment which comes with showering with cold water, first thing in the morning. Furthermore, I am noticing precarious behavior in…

Yesterday, I again missed writing this. This inconsistent behavior won’t be tolerated, Awais! Consider this a warning buddy boy. The five good things of today were:1. Deciding to have an informal meeting with Kashif2. Deciding and being fun at the late lunch with the UP group after SCC and Working Meet3. Not thinking too much…

The five good things about today are as follows:1. I did more than the normal amount of time on Figma practice2. I texted Kashif even though I had already done a mulaqat of the day3. I had a cold shower even though I did not want to, at the start. And for full 10 minutes…

Today was okayish. Here are five good things I did today:1. I started my day with a difficult task, and got it thoroughly done2. I catered to mom’s complaint about me not buying new shoes, logically3. I tried to get Kashif out by going to his hostel room4. I went to library between the break…

Today was good. As in, I managed to attend class, go to my job in proper items of clothing and work all the way to inbox zero in Google Cal. Here are five good things I did today: 1. Woke up from bed and started to work right on it2. Did minimal breakfast when I…

Today was good and here are the 5 things I am proud of today:1. Going to library and working there on a Saturday2. Going to attend DF at EME3. Texting a difficult message to Kashif4. Posting the longgggg post to Instagram5. Being patient in my relationship

Today was hell of a day man. Here are however 5 things that went good, today:1. I went to the library, twice totalling 5 hours of work on a Sunday2. I decided to reward myself after completing GoP figma screens3. I got up from bed soon after waking up when there was no immediate need…

Today was fucking shitty because we are fighting. I feel so bad. I feel so fucking bad. Kashif se b aj mulaqat he.

Hy Tess, Today was fine! And yes, I wrote this on website again. Why? I will be sure to share if I am consistent in it (40 days) I am listening to a sad hindi song, just feeding and feeling the heartbreak slowly. Weirdly, I guess we like sadness too. The slow one to be…

1216pmI made another diary and discontinued this one. Too many people who know me in real life know this diary and so … I can’t say everything I think on this platform anymore. Have a good rest of the life! Bye.

245pmI am a forgetful person Tess. Like right now, after spending an amazing productive weekend, I was feeling irritated in home so I came here to the library to work, a change of scenery. And forgot to bring my headphone’s mic which I remove generally to ensure it does not get bad as I game…

I am feeling extremely angry. Because the NUST HBL bank was lousy as fuck and the fees issue of March 2023 was more than lousy as fuck. They first mistakenly added arrears which is pretty stupid for a “smart university”. Then when they gave me a renewed fees bill, they did not update the bill…

The one with the opening There is an opening .. in my teeth. It’s been 10 years, baba khte the beta, brush krlo. Ni to kl ko pain hoga. Its an opening of this pain, now. A week has passed and still, the toothache is not going away. The doctor says it will cost about…

I just realized that now, I’m more independent than before. I can simply take a job, work, come home and there’s no one to tell me to be close to Allah by praying, not waste time in designing because it’s not related to my degree, not eat ice cream when I am cold, not join…

These are some of the good things I did today:I went to study circle class even though I had planned not to, earlier in the weekendI send\t a clear message to embrace me not working as much for the party as I used to, myself.I conducted my first Study Circle Class, an experience worth learning…

Obsidian. ClickUp. Sidekick. Linux OS. Google Suite. Todoist. Notion. Evernote. GTD. Pomodoro. Time Blocks. Atomic Habits. Atomic improvements. Vivaldi. Ye kr ra Hun bkchodi 🤕😂 I am so big on productivity enthusiasm. Today when I started to refine my Fiverr description, all in the name of bare bones truth that I could manage was “I…

Five good things I did today are:1. Intentionally having a nice morning call back home2. Deciding to buy a 2nd lunch (versus saving) because I was still hungry3. Pushing more than normal to complete my daily task4. Saying sorry for when I snapped today at her for the sudden hijab5. Taking a shower when I…

Hy Tess. I don’t think I’ll get up today when though one part of me really really wants to go to library. There’s a ton of small work left over the past weeks and today’s unexpected holiday from job is an ideal way to complete that. Or the other side laying on my bed right…

These are the five good things I did today, Tess:1. Even though I did not want to, I studied some academics in the office2. I travelled all the way back to NUST in the rain because it was necessary3. I communicated with Fazal and positively convinces him to join today’s DF4. I dealt with a…

Bnana thaTujhe apnaSulana thaRulana thaTeri ankhon me hole seTera hi ghr bsana tha Kmana tha, Urana thaTujhi p sb lutana thaMohabbat g? Fsana thaMuje ghr ja k Ammi koTeri khatir manana thaTujhe phir a btana tha Hmari hi zra, Kuch KuchKahani thi, Noorani thiAkheer vqt andhere meNokar tha or Rani thiZra dheeme, zra holeK ankh…