Money

So yeah … I am sitting in class. English literature. For tonight you know I’m slightly worried because like, they’re streaming match in s3h. And … I kinda want to come but like, I can’t come ‘) … Skating I did after fajar today and I couldn’t go outside too which I was planning to…

2046 Guess who’s on firrrrrrrree todaiii? MY LEGS ARE WAATTTAHHH (read water as wataah, British accent) I skated blahblahblah….leave it. (highlight: went to c3 today) … But like, I am spinning and dancing and like, being fluid on these knees like magicccc…..it’s amazing yar. Just awesome. I don’t know where this confidence came from but,…

Well, it’s … as amazing as it can get? I mean I skated all the way from my room to Nust Medical Center, got checked by a doctor, meds and all and now returned all the way to my room .. skatinggggg. Haha me is unstoppable (quite literally) 😂 …. I’m countering my shyness and…

0811 I don’t want to go to school today. And it’s super-rare coz I’ve never had the urge to ‘bunk’ classes. There’s no obvious reason. I am just not feeling ready for 2 lectures and the general humdrum of School. 1825 Well I did go to the school. There were two classes and both were…

0025 So … I just gave myself some new gifts. On the right wrist and all five fingers of the right hand. It pained more because cutting with left hand, you are blunt. So the time required to cut so deep, to reach the veins down, it is more than normal. I did it because…

1908 What should I say? “Done with the hype of being MOC”? But that’s a sentence I have already used once. Anyways .. I MOCed today’s Nust Cricket Championship final today. Ghnte Ka Kam tha, or ‘ghanta’ Kam ni tha IYKWIM. It was easy. I had to improvise and there was a good help too,…

1101pmWell, today was not very productive. I worked only 2 to 3 hours, but its a Saturday. And I am slowly accepting the fact that I will just have to move on with this thought, the background thought, that still in my head, all the time. That’s just how it is. On the plus side,…

Well, its 302pm. I don’t think the time restriction did much good on yesterday’s post so … I am going to write the time again. Atleast on the website, it is easy and makes sense. On Instagram, it … did not make much sense but I have deleted the social media apps so … I…

Hy! I guess adding the time of when I write the diary is a bit too much information so I am going to stop that from now. This could be temporary too, as is every good thing in my fucking life. You can perhaps guess Tess, from the mood, that I am agitated a bit.…

I was roaming on Discord servers today when I found someone writing this in one of the support group’s vent space. And man does it hit home! (Copied from someone idk): If someone ever told me in 2021 or 2022, that I’d be posting somewhere how much I fucking miss you, without actually being able…

It’s not like I won’t get sad again, infact I feel kinda sad right now hehe. I don’t want to go back. This was good. This was .. skoon. I was feeling as if amongst my people, although I met these people just 2 days ago or less. I don’t want to grow (teary smile)…

1942…skipped today’s class. Which in detail means, bunked to stay curled in a ball of nothingness on the corner of my bed sobbing like a child. Oh god I am stupid 🤦‍♂️😄 And then went skating. Did all the ramps available. And grinded and recorded one particularly large ramp 6 times in 4mins 34 secs,…

1544Is it crazy or what? I am so happy right now and the reason is really weird. I got an appointment with a psychotherapist at a hospital, Islamabad. Yeah, literally that’s all the reason. And I’m smiling like mad lol. Finally I’ll be able to see behind these thoughts in my head and hopefully figure…

1736Today was busy. More like … life-changing busy but I won’t raise any expectations 😃 Enough to say is that I think .. I THINK (Phoebe-style) .. I am discovering myself again. New thoughts and new … goals. Change is what I feel, and it’s positive, that’s what I know. Although still it’s not like…

1500I just came back from a meeting here in S3h, with our Industrial Linkage Officer. I had two new ideas to discuss, and the conclusion he gave was, “I’m not discouraging you Awais, but your ideas are too good for this nation”. Well, #1 I don’t want to believe him. #2, Are they? Can’t we…

0816…I missed the train. It was a good excuse not to go home but then mom insisted and so, I think I’ve to go. Let’s go. Let’s just get this done with. I’m gonna go by local bus coz I am not waiting any more. …Suba Hoti he and I wake up agonized in memories.…

I’m gonna post this tomorrow or the day after. But as I write it today, I’m feeling a mixture of emotions buried in me. Tonight will be restless. Tomorrow, I’m having a stall in Nust. Idk if it goes good, but I’m sure I will profit from it. Here’s the thing: it’s always down to…

“Customer is always right” is a capitalist lie. If the customer is an asshole, (s)he should’ve treated as such. The minute you “disrespect” a minimum wage worker, even on their actual mistake, you lose your ground and you deserve every inch of hate you receive.

I’m enroute to Peshawar on my first ever Faisal movers bus. Once there, I’ve got to cover a differently-abled PMS officer’s special education story … more like the absence of special education. Anyways..yeah this is it. I have been meaning to resume writing diary for a long time now but due to different reasons at…

First time eating in Ramadan. In contrast to my skinny built, I’ve always found the strength to keep all fasts, every Ramadan, starting from when I was in grade 2. Now, I am eating inside Railway Restaurant. There are people around me eating so .. it’s not that awkward as I thought it would be.…

Whenever I resume the diary of a senseless wanderer again, I’ll add this there. Life is layed out in front of me. And it is gentle and hard at the same time. I’m not soft enough to admit every little lie that is told in the name of “spreading positivity” and “promoting a strengthened mind”,…

I hate the idea of waiting. Especially if it is for an interview or suchlike. If I have to meet someone who has some struggle in his life, and is thus a good person to have an interaction with, they won’t keep me waiting. I hate the idea of having to work for people who…

Hyyyyyyyyyyy This was a busy week…I guess zero YouTube video. I’ll record one this weekend. Anyways. I’m just gonna say it because … I say everything! Now, I feel like getting mature (I know that sounds … not good but just hear me out). Today I set a single goal: Ma

Hy Tess. Today was kinda normal … when I was expecting it to go worse … So actually good huh. I had a paper today. Statistics. 2 of 15 mcqs I knew. Baqi SB tukka. I was originally expecting k kuch questions ate hi ni honge but .. did everything in paper. Ab Dekho kya…

Fuck it. Here goes. I miss the memories I had with my ex. There. I WAS SO AFRAID TO ADMIT IT ☠️😂 …ajeeb. I miss the moments we made together at heaven’s edge. NMC and other places in Nust. And particularly in C1 huts .. I was getting stupid candles and stuff, bought with my…

تو قادر و عادل ہے مگر تیرے جہاں میںہیں تلخ بہت بندہ مزدور کے اوقات Hy Tess…. Today was .. good. 7/10. I woke up at 730. Bathed. Put on clean clothes, had breakfast and went on job. I saw pretty interesting sights today while enroute. From where I have started going now, on one…

Hy Tess. What’s up .. nothing much? You are pages. What do you do all day? Wait? I hope you do that 😂 Anyways .. here’s me. Today was kinda good. Good in a sense that it was mostly productive. Majorly productive till 9pm from 8am today. So … good. I woke up at 730.…

Before I write that Tess, I want to tell you something. Somethings. Fuck it. Here goes. I went to Peshawar today. At faisal movers terminal, I met a kid. 14 years of age, studies in Sir Syed School, class 7/8. Dad dead. Mom disabled. He has a big sister who teaches Quran to children. He…

Hy. How are you? I want to tell you something. Well it’s not like I should … maybe this is a mistake but maybe this is not. I just want the voice in my head to stop so I’m gonna write it down. Probably I’ll not post this. With B, it is that she’s too…

Hy Tess … How are you Today .. was good. Right now is very good. It rained and I’m laying in grass looking up at the sky. There’s a star. And down below, there’s a line of trees surrounding me on one side. Today was 7/10. Even though I still have stuff to do when…

I had thought of only writing in you every night. But .. I want to destress right now. So here it is Tess. Work from home is a bitch. Communication, especially with people who actually think, is difficult. I’m working with a guy who .. is kinda strict. He is my senior. And he was…

Hyyyyy … how are you? Long time no see .. how is you … It’s really been a long time hena! Like .. months. 4 or 5 of them. I was too busy. Apologies Ted. Anyways now that I’m here .. I’ll try to write in you again, as I used to do years ago.…

An Instagram story from @baigandbaigum triggered this .. trail of thoughts. I decided to write an entry for Diary of a senseless wanderer. This week was kinda stressing. But at the end, because I know I did enough productive work, peace is on me. Also because I have a distinct and clear list of stuff…

Aashqi sbr tlb, or tmnna betabDil ka kya rng krun, khoon-e-jigr hone tk! Matric k Urdu Nisab me jin ghzlon ko prh prh k hste the, aj vohi rula rhi hen bc. Wtf. Hmne mana k taghaful na kroge, lekin; khak ho jaenge hm tumko khbr hone tk 🐳 Kher, bkchodi k ilava scene theek…

University internet was down recently. And I realized how much we are dependent on internet. All lectures for my studies are on MS Teams. I have to tweak my budget and YNAB is an online platform. I have to text some people and WhatsApp needs internet. It’s 1054am. Some guy had an online meet planned…

Songs of the week:Cradles by SuburbanCounting Stars by Simply Three Books of the week1. Negotiations: A reader for writers – Judith Summerfield2. Gilgit Baltistan Ka Urdu Adab – Halqa Arbab-e-Zoq3. Musadiss-e-Hali – Khawaja Altaf Hussein Hali If this is just not another entry in the diary of a senseless wanderer! What a journey it has…

2109Delirious. Delulu. Never gonna happen. Daydreams. What else can one name the soft murmur of simple, very simple, far too simple wishes of a human. Its a complex world. Intricate. Sophisticated. Linked. One choice is not independent of the reaction from previous decisions. Its delulu but more complicated. And that’s utter non-sense. 2214I have been…